“Love is not that simple,” a saying that I always hear. People just say it all the time. Is it? Is it not simple? Is it that complicated?

Photo by Jon Tyson

A brief look into hate

I mean, it’s complicated. The whole thing is complicated because people like to complicate things to themselves and to others. I’ve been convinced that love is not complicated. Because people always looked at love as something that two partners share. Recently, people are starting to see it in a new perspective. Self-love. They’re seeing it as Love. Just love. No rules should be applied to it.

The society must have love. It must be shared. The world needs love to maintain a status of peace and quietude. The wars this planet had witnessed. The color of blood. The explosions’ sounds that were in the air. All of these things in the past made us crave love, so then we can have a better life. A life that has no fear that one day we will cruelly lose a loved one. A devastating death. A painful loss that eventually leads us wanting vengeance.

Hate is a ghost within the soul

Some people are afraid of love not because love itself. They’re afraid of life. With life comes love and vice versa. But living with constant hate. This is definitely not a life. A misery. But not a life. Hate, however, is more complicated. The reason I always say so because hate can be tricky to the one who has it within his heart. You see, no one actually can live with only hate inside. He might seem an obnoxiously hateful person, but he must have someone to love. At least there is someone who loves him. In some cases, nobody loves him but he might have a high level of self-love. Only then he can feel protected and emotionally secured, so he can proceed hating others.

Hate is tricky because it disguises itself within us. We are absolutely not fully aware. Hate needs reasons to support it. Reasons to make it feel less harmful inside us. So, we can continue living with it without being ashamed or scared of ourselves. Also, it needs support. The fuel for hate is people who share a common ground. You just need to find people who have a capability to hate just like yours.

The real danger is that it’s not necessary to proclaim your hate with “I hate.” Still, it is possible to hate without saying it. There are multiple alternatives for announcing hate. You can hate by downgrading everyone and everything. Taking all the respect and gratitude from others. Deciding to listen only to the voices that agree with you, and trying with all your best to silence all the other voices. So, yes, hate is tricky sometimes.

Stop acting like an angel

Now, we’re not trying to say that everything that we do must be pretty or innocently perfect. We are still humans. We are born to commit mistakes and to have incompleteness or shortage in awareness. We have so many flaws whether they are apparent or not. Hate exists because love exists. Darkness exists because light exists too. It’s a matter of contrast and contradiction. If we think about it, why we need to hate? Does it benefit us? Or does it support our existence in this world? Would it be good for our reputation? To become haters with attached excuses?

I always tell myself, if I don’t love someone, that means that I might not like him, but it does not mean that I hate him. You see, not liking something is totally different than hatting it. When you give hate, you receive hate. When you give love, you receive love. Or at least, you receive respect even if the other person doesn’t really like you. We can’t make people to like us, and we can’t make them to love us either, but we can make them respect us. For instance, I can’t fully control me not liking someone, whatever my reasons were, but I can accept him and accept his existence in this world.


“Love is simple,” I say this all the time. I know it’s infuriating to say this, but it’s true to me. I say this again: people like to complicate things. If you think about it, we sometimes hide the truth. We can lie too rather than hiding the truth. Also, we sometimes say a lot of the truth. Consequently, we end up in problems with love which makes it complicated to us. Now, I’m not in a position here to offer a solution for this dilemma, but I’m pointing out the thing that should be obvious to all of us. We contribute in making love complicated. We suffer from our own actions and behaviors. However, we collectively tend to blame each other. We think that love must be perfect and flawless, which is not healthy and, somehow, impossible.

How to convert hate into acceptance

We don’t want to ignore the truth that love and hate are totally natural feelings. But, we need to understand the danger of hate and what it could do to our inner selves and to the world. We all have to realize that we need more love and less hate. Once again, we cannot erase hate from this planet, but we can control it. We absolutely can reduce it. It’s so easy to talk, but it’s hard to do and to commit to something. Every one of us has only one single life. We should use it wisely. If we are drifted away with our bad decisions and we can’t control most of the things happening inside us or around us, then this decision is definitely worth making. The decision of breaking ourselves free from hate. The decision of choosing love instead of hate. Choosing acceptance of others, even though we can’t force love inside us. We can’t just pretend to love them. But, still, we can be kind by showing respect and once again acceptance.

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