I was 19 maybe. 20? Yeah, I guess. At that age, which was three years ago, I came across a notion that says “living in the present.” What? What does that even mean? They told me not to live neither in the future nor the past. It was like someone has flickered a torch on a hidden spot in my mind. Living in the future. Living in the past. Why the hell haven’t I heard about this before? Does my society hate happiness that much?! I mean, all of what they used to do is to make me dream about the future and if I fail they make me look at my past to feel bad, sad, and maybe if I had a spare time, I’d probably learn something. THEY HAVE NEVER TOLD ME TO BE PRESENT.
If we want to break it down, we will follow the list modern societies have constructed:
- Grow up
- Find out what are your hobbies
- Finish high school
- Go to college
- Find a job and fight to keep it and be successful at what you’re doing
- Find the right person to marry, or you know what just get engaged and let’s get over with this thing
- Parenting styles
- Save some money, so they can go to college
- Aren’t you retired yet?
- You are free now. Oh, no. I think you have so many diseases already
It’s kinda depressing yet funny because we all know that we have the courage to mock the list and break ourselves free. Nevertheless, the question is still not answered. Are we ready for this? For all of this? This chaos that is tremendously consuming us.
Now, when it comes to me, I’d rather have my own pause between each chapter. Let’s not forget that we are all might be reaching our final chapter no matter how much we try to avoid the daunting idea. That’s not the case though. I remind myself every now and then to stop running. It is not worth it. And run for what? And for who? For me? No, it’s stupid.
Three months ago I started exercising running literally this time not metaphorically. First few weeks, I was exhausting myself with intense running that had longer pace and faster finishing time. Guess what? It was stupid. Yes, I liked the feeling of being free, and there was a sort of feeling that I am a machine, and I can see the trees drifting by my side while I’m running as fast as a bullet. But, it was not a good practice. Of course, until I adjusted my approach and started focusing at the distance and most importantly the quality of running.
Note: writing about this is making feel guilty since I stopped running for a few weeks. Okay, for more than a month, happy now?
This made me realize that in life, running so fast isn’t a good sign of a hard worker. I made myself to take pauses between each fail, each rejection. Life is gonna through so many rejections in your face. If you decide to run away, they will still run after you no matter what. Rejections, fails, bad feelings, and pain won’t stop. Without being so hard on yourself, just give yourself the time to face your life. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday you wake up in the morning. You’re still alive. What you’re gonna do about it? About being alive? Want to waste another day? Okay. Just Come back tomorrow and look again. What do you see? Potential? New day with so many opportunities? New people to meet? New jokes to make or hear? A new pain waiting to be healed? I don’t care if you believe in souls or not, but I believe there’s something inside you. Don’t even think to pursue your halted dreams because guess what? You are alive, and life to me is the ultimate dream that one day it’ll end and I’ll wake up. What about this dream? As simple as it is, what about being alive?
Are you ready?
We all whine how society is mean to us. At the end of the day, society is made of us. We are part of this structure. Every night I go to bed thinking that I exist here and only here. In my bedroom, curled up in my bed. This society outside of this room don’t really care. They don’t really read my mind at the moment and notice my pain. They don’t feel my very own feelings. I turn off my fancy Wi-Fi operated lights that are already dimmed to 10%, and say goodnight to Siri. And from now on, I’ll be asking myself everyday in the morning, “are you ready?”
Featured image by Jukan Tateisi