It all started when humans thought of this meaningful idea; there must be a way to hurt someone without being too offensive to the other person, so why don’t we find a word for it? Hmm… Yes, got it. It’s But!
Exceptions can be really annoying. Yes, it is pretty much like that itchy spot on your nose. You just have to scratch it no matter how long you wait for it to go away. Exceptions must be told. Use the magic word, “but.”
This word can really change the whole mood of the room. Three letters that can really alter the possibility of you quoting what the other is saying, however, he pronounced the word! He damaged everything with that. He destroyed the opportunity of you quoting him. “You see, I really loved your work and your effort, but nobody here cares about-…” What the hell?!
Let’s just imagine the same scenario without using the word but. I would suggest finding another scenario where a woman dumbing her boyfriend or asking her husband for a divorce, “You are a wonderful partner and things don’t seem to work out between us. I will always love you but I need a divorce.” Painful one.
I was 19 maybe. 20? Yeah, I guess. At that age, which was three years ago, I came across a notion that says “living in the present.” What? What does that even mean? They told me not to live neither in the future nor the past. It was like someone has flickered a torch on a hidden spot in my mind. Living in the future. Living in the past. Why the hell haven’t I heard about this before? Does my society hate happiness that much?! I mean, all of what they used to do is to make me dream about the future and if I fail they make me look at my past to feel bad, sad, and maybe if I had a spare time, I’d probably learn something. THEY HAVE NEVER TOLD ME TO BE PRESENT.
If we want to break it down, we will follow the list modern societies have constructed:
Grow up
Eat
Study
Find out what are your hobbies
Finish high school
Go to college
Find a job and fight to keep it and be successful at what you’re doing
Find the right person to marry, or you know what just get engaged and let’s get over with this thing
Children
Parenting styles
Save some money, so they can go to college
Aren’t you retired yet?
You are free now. Oh, no. I think you have so many diseases already
…
…
?
…
Dead
It’s kinda depressing yet funny because we all know that we have the courage to mock the list and break ourselves free. Nevertheless, the question is still not answered. Are we ready for this? For all of this? This chaos that is tremendously consuming us.
Now, when it comes to me, I’d rather have my own pause between each chapter. Let’s not forget that we are all might be reaching our final chapter no matter how much we try to avoid the daunting idea. That’s not the case though. I remind myself every now and then to stop running. It is not worth it. And run for what? And for who? For me? No, it’s stupid.
Three months ago I started exercising running literally this time not metaphorically. First few weeks, I was exhausting myself with intense running that had longer pace and faster finishing time. Guess what? It was stupid. Yes, I liked the feeling of being free, and there was a sort of feeling that I am a machine, and I can see the trees drifting by my side while I’m running as fast as a bullet. But, it was not a good practice. Of course, until I adjusted my approach and started focusing at the distance and most importantly the quality of running.
Note: writing about this is making feel guilty since I stopped running for a few weeks. Okay, for more than a month, happy now?
This made me realize that in life, running so fast isn’t a good sign of a hard worker. I made myself to take pauses between each fail, each rejection. Life is gonna throw so many rejections in your face. If you decide to run away, they will still run after you no matter what. Rejections, fails, bad feelings, and pain won’t stop. Without being so hard on yourself, just give yourself the time to face your life. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday you wake up in the morning. You’re still alive. What you’re gonna do about it? About being alive? Want to waste another day? Okay. Just Come back tomorrow and look again. What do you see? Potential? New day with so many opportunities?New people to meet? New jokes to make or hear? A new pain waiting to be healed?I don’t care if you believe in souls or not, but I believe there’s something inside you.Don’t even think to pursue your halted dreams because guess what? You are alive, and life to me is the ultimate dream that one day it’ll end and I’ll wake up.What about this dream? As simple as it is, what about being alive?
We all whine how society is mean to us. At the end of the day, society is made of us. We are part of this structure. Every night I go to bed thinking that I exist here and only here. In my bedroom, curled up in my bed. This society outside of this room don’t really care. They don’t really read my mind at the moment and notice my pain. They don’t feel my very own feelings. I turn off my fancy Wi-Fi operated lights that are already dimmed to 10%, and say goodnight to Siri. And from now on, I’ll be asking myself everyday in the morning, “are you ready?”
Ahmed AlFailakawi 